And should this discipline take place in front of the children?
What should be a wife's response to either verbal or physical discipline?
And what if said discipline is given in anger, as a means of hurting the other person, rather than being done out of charity, for the true good of their soul? What recourse does the wife have then?
I only ask because my husband verbally corrects me--out of anger, very often with a raised voice and hurtful words (ie: stupid) in front of my children. Now that my sons are turning older, they too yell, criticize, or blame me when things go wrong.
I'm especially interested in the thoughts of those who advocate for wifely discipline. If done incorrectly, it can and does affect your wife's thoughts and care for you and the attitudes of the children towards their mother.
As one of the main posters here, I want to first praise your humility in accepting this teaching. I also wish to praise your courage for speaking out, even though it is anonymous. The devil does everything in his power to stop true humility in women.
So for my thoughts on your questions; The first overall thing I would say, is resist the temptation to want to control your husband and sons. Your power is in your humility and purity just as the Blessed Virgin's is. (You are already set apart by accepting this teaching - so take the next step) When their anger subsides, and they have some moments to themselves in prayer, they will see their error if they are of good will. Your perseverance in prayer will help achieve that grace for them. Even as a mother your influence is limited, as every wise woman knows. They have their free will.
With the limited amount of information about your circuмstances, I cannot say too much with certainty. It may be possible that your husband is not actually correcting you on something you even need to be corrected on. But even if that is true, your reaction should be to reason with him by way of questions rather than telling him what to do. That way, it leaves the door open for you to learn if you are wrong, and forces him to exercise his higher powers of reason rather than emotions. And if in doing this he tells you to stop asking questions, then simply sigh and look downwards. If he is not a brute, he will eventually be touched by this.
If on the other hand, you are genuinely sinning then obviously the best thing to do is to admit your sin. In front of the kids too. There is nothing more salutary than a husband and children seeing the mother admit she is a sinner. And yes, they may be hypocrites by accepting this and yet never doing the same, but you can never change the order of nature which makes men above women, just as I can never be above a priest, or above a judge or leader in society.
Some other points. On discipline given in anger. This is a frequent question. Here is one answer; Be careful about judging with such absolute certainty that it is JUST given in anger. As men we are made to see in justice more easily than women, and to be angry about it. We become holy as men by purifying that virtue to apply in exactly the right circuмstances and with the right measure. It is possible that what your husband is being overly zealous about a fault of yours. It is also possible though that you cannot see a fault. You should be open to that too.
Finally, if after praying and reflecting a lot, you are convinced that it is not a fault, then you should respond as any good Christian should, by acting like Christ, who was abused in circuмstances, that you and I will probably never have to endure. If it is getting too much and something needs to be done, then you can try reaching out to a man (priest included), who may be able to influence him. But it doesn't sound like this is the case. It is only for exceptionally serious circuмstances.
If I can also offer some general thoughts regarding people in our lives that we have some influence regardless of, if it is our children or some others. As, I said our influence over people is limited. I myself gained great peace in my life, by fully accepting this point. Once we do, I think the next step is to always make the most of the situation we are in. By always seeing our glass half full. St. Ignatius said that ingratitude was the root of all evil.
Are you getting enough food on the table? Well thank God for that. So many are not. Are you paying all the bills? Again so many cannot. Are your children in good health? Do they say their prayers? There is, I see, so much ingratitude among traditional Catholics, who seem to want to out-compete each-other and are so quick to judge circuмstances. For me, if we focus on the truth and our adherence to accepting this with humility, then the other things fall into place.
This is how we should "judge" other people. On whether they accept the truth. Whether it be the question corporal punishment, or some other truth relating to God's creation or the natural order. (These are the common ones). Because, you see, what good is it that people do all these wonderful acts of piety, if they cannot accept the superiority of husbands over wives? They do all their piety in a spirit of distrust of God's word and His creation. What they do has not got true value until they change this attitude.
I think that if you you practice true gratitude, and joy in your circuмstances you will achieve a hundred times more than if you worry about how to convince your husband and family about x or y.
That's my two cents.
Topic: Disciplining wife (Read 20273 times)